It's Been Awhile
by ThePoisonOwl
Summary: Just a little song-fic for Hatter. While they were sleeping, Alice runs away and this takes its toll on Hatter.


It's Been Awhile

Alice, 2009

Hatter

Summary: Just a little song-fic for Hatter. While they were sleeping, Alice runs away and this takes its toll on Hatter

"It's Been Awhile" by Staind

_It's been a while__Since I could hold my head up high_

Sleep had engulfed Hatter. It had been ages since sleep had visited him. It had been even longer since he had been able to care for anyone, to hold his head up high and, would he dare to say, love someone.

_and it's been a while__Since I first saw you_

Hatter turned on his side to look at her, Alice. She was still wearing the coat he'd given her a few days ago. It looked amazing on her. She turned and he closed his eyes, just to be safe. She was still asleep.

Staring at her, Hatter felt something. Love. Even though she didn't trust him fully and they barely knew each other, Hatter loved her. When she came into his shop, he felt like he'd known her forever. He felt like it had just been a while since he'd seen her.

_It's been a while__since I could stand on my own two feet again_

She had come at just the right moment. He could barely hold on any longer. He was playing two sides of a war and everything was starting to crumble around him. It had been a while since he'd been able to stand up and fight for himself; and someone else he cared for.

_and it's been a while__since I could call you__But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem__the consequences that I've rendered__I've stretched myself beyond my means_

Hatter turned again and looked at the sky and tree canopy above him. No one has ever called upon him for help. He'd just been too fucked up to be anything but sleaze. Working for the Hearts and the underground had changed him. He'd been pushed around, fucked with, one too many times. He used to be an esteemed tea supplier. Since the uprising though, he'd been forced into a life to treachery, a life that he just didn't want. With Alice here now, things seemed like they just might change. There were no consequences for being with her, Hatter liked this.

_It's been a while__since I could say that I wasn't addicted and_

He continued to think as sleep took over again. It had been years since he was free, not addicted to anything. This experience, no matter what happened, was good for him.

_It's been a while__Since__ I could say I love myself as well and_

Morning's rosy dawn touched the sky and seemed more beautiful than ever, a good omen. Hatter, whom had discovered a new love, not only for himself for once, in the night turned to look at her.

"Alice?" he called into the foggy air.

He frantically sat up, calling her name again.

"Alice?"

There was no response. He rose from his makeshift bed and noticed it. The purple coat was hanging limp on a ladder.

_Since I've gone and fucked things up just like i always do__It's been a while__But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you__But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem__the consequences that I've rendered__I've gone and fucked things up again_

She had disappeared. Alice was gone. Hatter had blown it. He'd royally fucked up. He collapsed to the ground and called her name, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Alice!"

How could she have gone? She made everything better for him. All of the pain and the misery disappeared when she was around. All of the consequences from the past days meant nothing. He would happily have died for her after everything.

"Alice." he said, punching the ground. "God, what did I do to fuck up?" he spoke to no one.

_Why must I feel this way?__Just make this go away__just one more peaceful day_

The hours passed and it was clear she wasn't coming back.

"Perhaps she was captured." Charlie said, throwing another bundle of twigs onto the fire. Hatter just stared into the orange flames.

'I would kill to know she was safe.' He thought. 'I would die for one peaceful night with her.'

Charlie noticed Hatter's mood and headed off to his hammock. He nor Hatter understood why Alice had left and the feelings they both had engulfed the camp like the morning fog.

_Its been awhile__Since I could look at myself straight_

Hatter wandered to the lake and stared into its murky depths. He looked at his reflection. He was handsome but there was something wrong about him. His hair was messy but that was normal. He'd never seen anything wrong with that before. He was fit from always being on the run and whatnot. There was still something about himself now that he knew was wrong.

He splashed the water, disrupting the image. He had figured it out. His heart was missing. Alice had taken it with her when she had left. He was missing a piece of himself without her. He couldn't see himself straight without her. He was incomplete.

and it's been awhile since I said I'm sorry It's been awhile Since I've seen the way the candles light your face

The hours ate away at Hatter as he started to form a plan, he would go and rescue her. That was his only choice. Hatter was unsure of how much longer he could go on without her.

'If only I had told her that I'm…' he couldn't finish the thought with the right words. 'sorry for everything.' Those weren't right.

He stared into the light of the fire back at camp before quickly turning away. He thought of how the flames had lit Alice's face. She glowed in its soft light.

_It's been awhile__But I can still remember just the way you taste__But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem_

Night crept back into the woods but sleep did not come for Hatter. Everything was turbulent hand fucked up even more than normal. He could smell her in the coat that he held in his hands as he laid in his bed. He moved to where she had slept. It still smelled like her too, Lavender and something sweet.

I know it's me I cannot blame this on my father he did the best he could for me

Hatter yawned as midnight came. Sleep was evading him, much like everything and one did. His father was like this. He couldn't blame the days of late on him though.

'He did what was best, even if he did die by March.' Hatter thought of his father's last hug before he walked out of the house for good, leaving him with his mother.

It then hit him.

_It's been a while__Since I could hold my head up high__and it's been a while since I said I'm sorry_

Hatter needed to find Alice before the March Hare. He couldn't think of everything that could happen to her. He rose from bed and saddled up Arthur. He then darted to the city in search of her.

"I'm sorry Alice, please be safe."

AN: Like it? Hate it? Please Review!

Thanks!

Peace. Love. Hatter.

~The Poison Owl


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